Wanting to go with it

Interview with Colleen O’Mara, Buffalo (NY), May 2018

I wrestle with the feeling of not belonging anywhere, all the time. I don’t feel suicidal, but I don’t feel like I belong. Maybe it’s related to that river. I’m sure it has to do with the ions, because it creates negative ions where the water falls. So the negatively charged ions cause positive feelings, usually. Somehow, the draw to the water that I feel when I’m there isn’t like… it’s like a feeling of wanting to go home, going to a place where I’m supposed to be. It’s not a leaving.
– Maybe this could make somebody feel that this gesture would be like, desirable in fact?
– It’s not a choice of leaving but of going to. Not of running away from but of going towards. So yes, the emotional response that I have to the water there, is wanting to go into it, and wanting to go with it.